Support

 I want to talk about how great having a support person or persons is when you are struggling with mental illness. Without mine I have to say I probably wouldn’t be here today. I also want to discuss how important it is to have a crisis plan in place with your support system.

For me, being compliant with my medication, seeing my doctor and therapists, and my support system has helped me so much. By being able to talk openly and freely with them about how I am feeling, whether it be up or down or stable. I know I have them in my corner.

My crisis plan has enabled me to be able to go to anyone in my support system and tell them, “Hey, I’m in crisis.” And they can immediately help or get me help. 

But after events from earlier this year, my own crisis and loosing a family member to suicide, I started thinking, what if we all started talking openly about our mental health struggles. Why is it so scary to admit we need help? And what gives anyone the right to judge someone who is struggling? 

Why is talking about mental health or mental illness such a touchy subject? Until we can get to a place where this is normal conversation, no one is really truly going to understand them. How can you gain a support system if no one understands or wants to listen? How many times can you be told to “power through” or “just don’t think about it?”

This is just one of the many things I hope this blog will help. Talking openly about what is going on with us, in our heads, will become normal everyday conversations. No one should struggle alone.

Attention Seeking

    I was recently asked how do people tell the difference between attention seeking and a real cry for help. And my response was that there isn’t a difference. A cry for help is a cry for help. I don’t care if it’s the first time they ask for help or the hundredth, a cry for help is a cry for help and should be taken seriously.

There was recently a story in my local news about a woman that went to the hospital saying she was suicidal, the hospital ultimatly discharged her. A short time later she committed suicide. Now I don’t have much more info beyond that, but I have heard multiple people say, well how was the hospital supposed to know they are serious? And my response immediately was every threat of suicide should be taken seriously.

I was recently watching a true crime show, and a detective said a suspects suicide attempt wasn’t a real attempt. And I was seething. Every suicide attempt is a real attempt. How can someone, a law enforcement officer at that, be so callous so someone clearly in a crisis?

I recently saw a friend on Facebook ask, “Where’s the line between wanting to reach out and feeling like people think you just want attention?” My response was, “There is not a line. Everyone that reaches out should be taken seriously.” And the overwhelming support they received was heartwarming.

I was surrounded with people asking me why I didn’t reach out before my suicide attempt. Why did I let it get that bad? And my response was I didn’t think anyone would believe me, that they would look at me like a faker. But I have learned I have an amazing support system. And when I was suicidal earlier this year I reached out and received the help I needed. 

I urge anyone in a dark place to reach out. Don’t be afraid to reach out, don’t worry about the people that might think you are “attention seeking.” Because the people who do care will not think that and will be there for you.  I urge everyone to look out for friends. Don’t be afraid to ask if they need help, if they are suicidal. Don’t call them liars or say they are faking. Just be there for them, and get them the help they are desperately asking for.

A cry for help is just that, a cry for help.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts please reach out to the suicide hotline at 800-273-8255

Or chat at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org You can also text HOME to 741741

Tis the Season

The holidays for me are always a “trigger.” I watch other people decorate and always smiling, and I judge myself for not doing enough. I see my mothers house just decked out. It screams christmas and cheer. And I haven’t even put up a tree yet. And then the guilt hits me. Am I not trying hard enough?

I try so hard around the holidays, probably too hard. I try to smile and put on a face. I don’t talk about how all I want to do is crawl and bed and beat myself up. Am I doing enough? Did I buy enough? Will people be disappointed? Am I disappointing everyone?

How do you explain to people that the holidays are hard on your mental health? It’s supposed to be the happiest time of the year. But I am not alone. Plenty of other people suffer in silence around the holidays as well. But no one wants to bring everyone else down.

I struggle daily in general, but this time of year is rough on me. But I also work extra hard this time of year, because I don’t want to bring anyone else down. I journal, I write this blog, I go to therapy. I tell my story, not just to help others, but because it helps me. By writing how I feel and my experience, it helps tremendously.

I encourage anyone struggling at this time to reach out. To a family member, friend, pastor, a hotline, or even on here. Sometimes just writing it out and knowing you aren’t alone helps more than you would think. I have been there, I still sometimes go there, I understand completely. 

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255. Or the chat line at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Or the Crisis Text Line text HOME to 741741.