Wednesday, June 28, 2023

New Adventures

New Adventures

New adventures can be scary. Whether it be a new job, a recent loss, a vacation, you get the idea. I recently lost my father and this has been a rough new adventure. Waking up knowing that he is gone, I will never see him or talk to him again in my lifetime. But I look around and see how much closer my family has gotten and will say that this has been great for me.

I recently am about to start another new adventure in a new job. And let me tell you my anxiety has been through the roof. What if I’m bad at it? What if I fail? What if my new coworkers don’t like me?

After the recent loss of my father I sometimes wonder if taking on a new job so soon is the right move. But I know I needed a change. My concern is the bipolar. How do I work around all these emotions and not have an episode? Especially a manic episode.

With my anxiety as high as it has been in awhile. I worry about failing. Failing at my new job, being a mother, being a girlfriend, or even failing as a daughter. My mind has constantly been racing. It doesn’t help that I have been forgetting to take my medicine at times. Not all the time, but accidentally here and there.

I can’t let the bipolar control me, but with everything going on I would be lying to say I’m not shaking with anxiety from everything that has happened this year. I’m worried about a manic episode. And hoping that that doesn’t happen. I try to remind myself that I am here for a reason and new adventures are part of life. 

So, even with my anxiety going crazy I’m going to try and keep my head held high. Make my Dad proud. Show the world that I can be more than just the girl with bipolar.

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