Tuesday, June 28, 2022

The Struggle

  I know I have been a little MIA recently. And I really have no excuse. I have been struggling. Mentally the last few months have been rough, I started falling back into a deep depression. Admittedly, I also started skipping some doses of my medication. Which is common with bipolar disorder. For me I felt fine and was tired of the side effects of some of my medicine. So, let me tell you a story. A story of how I almost lost my way to the highs of mania and the depths of depression.

It all started around the holidays. It started when my medicine started to run low with

Christmas right around the corner. Now, what a lot of people don’t realize, the medicine I have to take to fix the chemical imbalance in my brain, even with insurance, is expensive. So I made the very unwise decision to go off my medicine so I could do more for Christmas.

Christmas was, well, a bit muddled. I spent more money than intended. But everyone was happy. So, one would think, I would immediately get back on my medicine. But that was not the case. You see, at this time I was hypomanic and feeling good. So we continued the spiral.

By March, I was realizing that my days were turning into depression. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was regretting the money I had been spending, felt like I was a disappointment to my family, to my boyfriend. 

I started feeling alone. And realized I needed to start taking my medicine again. I got myself back into the doctor and back into therapy. And slowly my life started to get back on track. Slowly I was becoming stable again. Happy again.

That was until Easter weekend. When my family and I received some shocking news. News that none of us were prepared for. That has led to me struggling to stay stable and strong for not only me but my family. Cancer has come into our lives, and none of us know what the future holds.

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