Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety has a way of creeping into your life when you least expect it, and depression has a way of creeping in unexpectedly. With both, you have to find a way to coexist with them. Not let them run your life. It’s a delicate balance.

I spend more time down than I do up. It’s how I have always been. My nerves get shot and I just shut down. My fiancĂ© absolutely hates it. I will shut him out without meaning too. It is one thing I have to keep working on constantly.

My anxiety is the tricky thing that I have to overcome. I will stress about stress if you let me. I will stress about normal every day things. Like, I recently had to have an MRI of my head, something so mundane had me freaked out. I mean seriously, I just had to lie there. 

When my anxiety goes unchecked, I imagine all the what ifs life has to offer. You know what I am talking about, you imagine the worst case scenario. What is everyone thinking? Is everyone talking about me? Why am I not good enough? And so much more races through my head.

Life has a way of turning upside down sometimes, with either good or bad. And if I let my anxiety run the show, I miss out on so much good that life has to offer. I miss out on my kids and spending time with my fiancé. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, that I suffer.

My depression is trickier, I can recognize my anxiety, but my depression has a way of creeping in slowly. Sucking the life out of me one minute at a time. It starts small, just being exhausted all the time and turns into not being able to climb out of bed. I shut down, push people away. Stop caring about myself.

The scary thing is that I don’t realize I’m depressed. Not until it gets bad. Not until I am having suicidal thoughts. Of course, I should realize it, with all of my close family and friends telling me that something is wrong. Then, I process that something is wrong, I reach out to people for help, whether that be my doctor, therapist, sometimes its just calling a friend to chat.

It is a slow process, but eventually, with putting in the work, we can all get there. Recognizing our triggers is a good first step. Just make sure you are putting in the work. You have to want to better yourself to get better. Just take it one day at a time. One foot in front of the other.

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